Recently I was listening again to Dr. Feel Good. I heard the line "Got a cushy little job through the Mexican mob / Packaged as a candy cane." I realized that they mean he is posing as a candy-striper; a nursing intern, and that he is stealing drugs from the hospital to sell on the street. This is a small thing which nobody cares about. It was significant to me.
James has a habit of taking my ideas and running with them headlong, even the ones I was only contemplating. It is surreal and disorienting, particularly because of the amazing progress that he makes in so short a time. It seems as if I need only speak it and the next day it is before me. I don't quite understand why he does it. Maybe he genuinely likes my ideas. It's the only thing I can think of.
I made a leek and potato soup tonight for dinner. It took a long time because I had to chop everything by hand and I had no potato masher with which to mash the potatoes. Consequently, it came out chunky. Nonetheless it is nice. It is not cold but I am shivering. I am very lonely. I wonder if Marie is calling? I should check. She has not called.
I need to decide on an organization to join for the fall semester. A failure to have social interaction outside of work and weekends will have a poor effect on my mood. I understand this despite my general aversion to people, particularly those organized in groups. I may attend meeting of the campus Republicans and Democrats. It would be good to become more educated about the upcoming election and politics in general. I may begin attending meetings of the so-called Freethinkers again, despite their small-mindedness. I may attend some anti-Scientology protests. Have I mentioned that the Church of Scientology is the single thing that I hate the most? It is.
Where has all my wit gone? My hateful youth gave way to a smoldering bitterness in adolescence which seems to have since gone out entirely. Is there a bed of coals beneath these ashes, or am I as cold as I feel?
So much work is being undone right now. I am shaken.
It's no good at all.
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