The Warmest Night Yet

Tonight I come to you with little to say. I fear I will slip into rambling. It's the warmest night of the year, and everyone was out as I walked back from the lab. I passed several attractive women who dared not look at me. I am a mugger at best, more likely a rapist. Tomorrow I will go to see James and Adair and the following day I will trip. I should be happy. The weekend is almost upon me. I've forgotten to do my laundry and now it is too late. I will have to take it with me. I will make them soup as well. It is not very good soup, but I will make it for them nonetheless.

I do not know whether it bears repeating that I am very lonely.

I am so self-conscious that I worry about being boring even on my private blog, of which two people know and at best one reads. I wish I had never told anyone about it, but then I would never write. I dream that someday people will flock here from every corner of the internet and exclaim with wonder over my amazing prose. So clear! So eloquent! His emotions spill into us like the sweet wine of life. I don't know why I bother with such fantasies, or why I mock myself for having them, or why I am unable to let go of them once the cycle has run.

Let me tell you about my soup.

Into a pot of boiling water I put half a package of Chinese noodles, one quarter of a package of tofu, one half of a package of shiitake mushrooms, and two green onions. I season this with red and black pepper, sea salt, and basil, and cook for five minutes. The tofu and mushrooms are bland; the noodles too. Even the onions hardly have any flavor. I would cook it longer, but the noodles will overcook. I would cook the noodles separately, but I am lazy.

Adair called today to make plans. She has said she would call back, but she has not. I will be going to bed soon. I hope she doesn't wake me up.

As I suspected, I bore myself and anyone whose time has been wasted reading this with mundanities. I retire.

I thought I heard someone call my name

It seems that I am highly resistant to the effects of LSD. I maintain my composure and experience only minor visuals and some internal agitation. I can laugh and have a nice time as if I were high, and sometimes think myself in circles. I do not have full-blown hallucinations, I feel very little sense of universal connectedness; in general, I act as though I've had one tab when I've had four. I read a quote from Stanislov Grof's "LSD Psychotherapy" that I think is very relevant to me:


"Subjects who in everyday life manifest a strong need to maintain full self-control, and have difficulties relaxing and "letting go," can sometimes resist relatively high dosages of LSD (300-500 micrograms) and show no detectable change. Occasionally, individuals can resist considerable doses of LSD if they have set this as a task for themselves. They may do it to defy the Therapist and compete with him or her, to prove or demonstrate their psychological "strength," to endure more than their fellow patients, to impress their friends, or for many other reasons."


This describes me exactly. Maintaining complete self-control is of paramount importance to me, I enjoy enormously that I am psychologically stable enough to resist the effects, and I show it off to Adair and James constantly. I'm going to trip with James this weekend and see if that helps me loosen up. Being around him always does that. I just hope he takes it well.