April 5, 2010 stream-of-consciousness

Today I will be beginning an experiment in stream-of-consciousness writing. I read about it online on a blog I read called gizmodo no wait what was it I can't remember Lifehacker that's it. They had an app for Facbook not an app really more of a what would you call it searching for the word a widget maybe that encouraged you to write seven hundred and fifty words a day; then it would run a stastistical analysis of your words to tell you what you were writing about but I took a pass on it because it required a Facebook account ot register and  wasn't keen on tying it to something with my actual name and information on it. So here I am writing and having explained all that I am beginning to run out of ideas I have had the thought of my personal information and I am afraid that what I will think of will be my name and so on but I suppose I can always edit that out later. I don't know how long I'm going to keep this up. I figure until the screen begins to scroll down is fine. I came to a resolution with my existential problems. I read about it on Wikipedia; it is called cognitive closure. I have realized that none of what I am worrying about is my probelm because I am a human and will only be around for so long. It is beyond me. I cannot. I can't it's just pintless there is no reason you can call it surrender but I call it peace I was so worried all the time and now I am doing better. I feel better. Spring has had a lot to do with it The weather made me feel better. I think I may be becoing ready to live my little human life. It all still worries me sometimes but that warm has made it easier to put out of my mind. Empitness I can think of nothing to say I will have to repeat nothingness for a while blue is my favorite color I have lost my sentence structure my arms are beginning to hurt .I am listening to a song; I think it is by Tom Waits; an early Tom Waits with a voice that is not so rough. It is too slow and like a pinao ballad. It is too peaceful. I think I would give it two stars but I can't stop until I've typed all ,my words. I wonder how many words I have typed. I am coming to no big new realizations about myself like you are supposed yo. I have heard this is a writing exercise too to make yourself write instead of being insecure and putting down nothing. This song is a Gorillaz song. It is very post-industrial and sort of grungey. I don't know if that is a proper word. It is far too late I should have gone to bed about an hour ago. This is in Spanish; why. Why why why? Must find something new to talk about. Today I went to work; I did very little work. This is normal. Should I abandon the capitalization and punctuation? That is how I am accustomed to typing but I think it is slowing me down. It makes my sthoughs more organized. And should I stop correcting my minor spelling error? I suppose that is breaking the flow too okay i will stop capitalizing i will stop punctuating i may even being to disregard grammar i do not know how i feel about this i do not like it very much it makes me type to fast i think when i think i thinkwith grammar and punctuation and correct spelling this is making it all feel much weirder and this spanish music is not helping no it is not helping at all maybe i will adapt by becoing more poetic maybe i will learn to speerate my phrases by the cadence and the words and not twith the artificially imposed thingies that are punctuation they are there just to seperate our thoughts but shouldnt each though be seperate without them you can almost consider them a crutch i ahave run out again but i must keep going i must keep going why am i doing this i want to write again i am bored i have spare time i hope maybe it will teach me something it is supposed to give revelations it is a tool for seeing like fasting or getting high it is a vision sort of thing it is a look into yourself i would like to have a look into myself i am unsure of myself i do not know where i am going to go or what i am going to do all i know is that ia ma vvery lonely and i want a woman my ex introduced me to a girl she seemed enthusiastic that i was interested but i am not so very interested she only seems nice now i am worried that i have gotten her hopes too far up i dont want to duisappoint her i don t want to offend my ex she is my friend and i never like to offend people anyways it was just a passing sort of thing well not really i brought it up deliberately i suppose it wouldnt hurt to gfive it a try but in any case anyways sh has a boyfriend well maybe not a boyfriend but she is seeing someone right not so it is not a problem right now this is metallica now is it no it is from early in their career the lead singer is very hih pitched he sound inexpert not the same at all as alter when he is deeper and more operatic and they are too fast and thier lyrics anre incomprehensible and their guitar work is not as good as later  do not know if i really know this much about metallica i am sure there are people who hey look i think i am done